Something robbed me of the passion

When I told my mom that I was going to try out law school and take the law aptitude exam in UP, she let out a sigh of relief as if one of her secret lifelong prayers have been answered. True enough, even if my parents always claim that they support me in my choices, whatever they are, I always felt like they didn’t feel quite confident that I’d be professionally or economically secure with degree in BA Film & Audio-Visual Communication, my current undergraduate course.

We all know parents mean well when they think about their children’s financial and professional security in their college choices, but it really wasn’t my primary concern when I was choosing my course. Whenever I tell some relatives and even my elementary and high school teachers about my course, I always sense a tinge of disappointment behind their remarks of approval, if ever they give one. Sometimes, they would even candidly ask me, in a demeaning tone, “Why?” like all the years of academic awards had been put to waste.

Bikoy's graduation pictureIndeed, I have come to the point, a few months before I finally graduate from this course, that I’m asking myself the same question. And it surprises me how difficult it is for me to provide myself the answers. After almost four years, I don’t see myself as the production manager or the director or even the production assistant I tried to imagine myself when I was a freshman. I don’t know. Perhaps this lack of enthusiasm is a fleeting thing. I may eventually find myself in this field of media after all. Who knows? I’m shooting my thesis, a short film, in a few months, but I’m honestly not as eager or as excited about it as my passionate friends in film school. I just wanted to get it done and over with.

By the way, yes, that was my excessively retouched graduation picture. It looks so aggressively edited by the photography studio that took care of our pictures that even the facial lines that define my smile are gone. Tsk. Mainstream excessive photo editing has got to stop. I didn’t even ask them to edit anything.

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