My French residence permit expired today without me exercising the option to return to France, extend, or apply for citizenship. This puts a definite closure to a dream I once had of establishing a new and permanent life overseas.
Early this year, guided by a curious set of circumstances, I decided to return to the Philippines to take on a career in the Philippine foreign service. Up until yesterday, in the middle of a hectic workday, I was joking with my colleagues that I still had a few hours to spare and I could actually just pack up, take a spontaneous flight and get into Charles de Gaulle just before the 2nd of December ended and still be allowed entry with my valid card. Of course, I didn’t mean it, and my residence card is now ineffective.
Nanghihinayang ba ako? Short answer, no. Nuanced answer is still a no, but I admit reminiscing and fantasizing once in a while on what my life in France would have been had I stayed, pursued a career in Paris and applied for French citizenship this year. These fantasies recur especially during stressful moments at work and when confronted with the agony of living in Manila at times. But these are only fleeting moments of daydreaming.
Above and beyond this fantasy, I’ve decided that my life is worth more than just the pursuit of personal happiness. I wanted my life to be relevant. I’ve long realized that my life would be meaningful if it was in the service of something greater than myself or my immediate family. Fate did not endow me with the sum of my talents and experiences as Filipino the past three decades to live selfishly and obscurely based solely on my own terms and desires. Happiness, I now believe, follows if I pursue fulfillment first and foremost–beyond the day-to-day desire for personal comfort and delight. The career in the Philippine foreign service offered me a perspective beyond one, two, three years. It offered me the a sense of purpose based on a life of service and a sense of fulfillment with the prospect of unique adventures and challenges I don’t think I could get from any other career.
I can say with all sincerity that I am at peace with my decision, and I am looking forward to a lifelong career as a foreign service officer.
The commencement of a possibly lifelong career as a foreign service officer (FSO) merits an inaugural blog entry and a new chapter in this blog. Today marks the first month since I officially assumed my post as FSO in the Philippines’ Department of Foreign Affairs.
As with all career officers who undertake and pass the notorious foreign service exams, our lives as eligible diplomats start with six months of internship and then six months of cadetship, both in Manila. This freshman year of sorts is when we are expected to learn the ways of diplomacy, managing the country’s international relations, advancing its interests abroad, and looking after the well-being of Filipinos around the world.
I have thus been doing my internship with the Department since June 1, which hasn’t been that long at all. I have been detailed with the Maritime and Ocean Affairs Office, which handles the Philippines’ maritime, ocean and archipelagic policies in relation to other countries and international organizations. This includes matters ranging from the country’s maritime borders and territorial claims, to matters relating to ocean governance, shipping, marine scientific research, fishing, etc. For an archipelagic state whose very identity relies on its precise geographic character and its strategic maritime location, these matters are of primordial importance.
Note: This is a re-composed version of a series of tweets posted on the same date.
I have decided not to pursue pending job applications in Paris in order to take on my forthcoming appointment with the Philippines’ Department of Foreign Affairs. This also means I have decided to forego my chance for naturalization in France. Although many of you might think I am making a mistake, at the moment this is what feels right for me.
The two years I spent in France were among the best in my life and the prospect of re-doing my life, low-key and without a care in the world, with all the perks of ‘first world’ citizenship, far from all my profound frustrations in the Philippines was (and still is) so very appealing.
However, I realize that I want a deeper sense of purpose. A low-key private life as a citizen in Europe is a dream! But I also pine for sense of relevance in this world and all that’s happening. In the end, the question that lingered throughout my thought process was–what am I here for? The unique chance to be diplomat excites me. The pieces didn’t fall into place for me to ignore.
Note: This is a re-composed version of a series of tweets posted on the same date. It garnered quite some controversy after it was republished in a website without consent. But I’m nevertheless posting it here for posterity.
This year I have the choice to either enter the Philippine foreign service or start an application for French naturalization, since I technically become eligible this June. Divergent and significant life choices ahead, and the temptation is strong. The election results might play a significant role in my decision.
If you’re wondering how I am eligible so soon–the five (5) year residency requirement for an application for French citizenship is shortened to two (2) years after obtaining a masters degree from a French university. Well, that aside from other conditions of course, but at least I get to tick one major requirement this year. I can theoretically start the application this June because that would have been two years since I graduated from my first masters degree in Paris.