September 15, 2019. Our LLM program director arranged for us a whole day trip to Chantilly, north of Paris, last Sunday. We had aperitif at one of our professor’s countryside home, then we had lunch at a French restaurant with a brief lesson on French table manners.
The rest of the afternoon was spent with my classmates at the vast Château de Chantilly and its exhibits–one of the main artworks of which is a panel painting of Europa and the Bull (depicting the abduction of the Phoenician princess Europa by Zeus, metamorphosed into a bull, which through the centuries have become one of the symbols of Europe and the European Union).
September 9 – 14, 2019. It was my first day of class last Monday! It was so surreal that it was finally happening. I’ve never been in a completely international environment with classmates from all over the world, so it was fascinating having the opportunity to be in a class with classmates from Europe, the U.S. and Asia. In the morning we first had our introductory session to the LL.M. program with the director and with some of our would-be professors. After that session, we were free to do our own thing. Most of the class decided to have lunch together. Since we were unfamiliar with the neighborhood, we ended up at one of the first cafes we found–Le Bonaparte at Saint-Germain des-Près–which turned out to be a bit fancier that we expected. I cannot (afford to) eat like this every after class, I thought.
Over lunch we decided to have our preliminary introductions, at least of those who joined us for the meal. I have four German classmates, four Americans, an Italian, a Japanese, and a Vietnamese. Later on we would likewise be acquainted with classmates from Russia, Greece and Belgium.
After lunch I didn’t want to go home all the way to Suresnes so I decided to roam around Paris, around Trocadero specifically because I am not yet over seeing the Eiffel Tower, and because yes I still am a tourist in this city. As an introvert I was still too shy to make friends with my classmates right away and hang out with them on first day.
Later that evening, we had school-sponsored dinner at À La Petite Chaise. Conversations over dinner were fascinating and eye-opening. There’s so much to learn from other countries’ experiences and legal systems.
We didn’t have class until Thursday, so the next two days was spent doing errands, studying for the next class, and exploring more of Suresnes and Paris. I realized that living 45-50 minutes commute from school is not so bad after all, if the trade off is some tranquility of a Parisian suburbia. Anyway, on Wednesday I also met up with a fraternity brod, Yael, who also started studying in Paris this September. He is taking up his masters at SciencesPo. We had dinner and drinks around Saint-Germain-des-Prés because it turns out our schools are just in front of each other along Rue Saint-Guillaume and Rue de Buci was just a few minutes walk.
September 3 – 8, 2019. Leaving Manila wasn’t such a big deal at first. Separation didn’t get real until I saw my parents off at the Paris airport last Tuesday. Oh my heart when I saw them holding off tears. Spent the next hour on my commute to my new ‘apartment’ holding back my own. I made my way from the airport all the way to Surenes to settle down at my new place. It was my first long city commute and I’m proud to have figured out how to get from north-east of Paris to west via public transportation on my own.
It was, and still is, an overwhelming feeling, as I’ve never lived away from my family and home. The thought that there’s no turning back–as I would be 10,000 kilometers away from the familiarity and comfort of family and friends–was daunting. Should I encounter any problem, I’d have to figure everything out on my own.
One of the advantages of setting a target of just one blog entry a week is that I am able to allow myself the time to process my thoughts for at least a handful of days before publishing them. A week’s contemplation over certain feelings over daily events makes for better-worded recollections. This is not to say that there is no value in honest spontaneity, but those are better suited for Twitter or Facebook (if those thoughts get published at all). I wouldn’t say that more ruminated expressions are less genuine, but rather they are more circumspect and, well, a little more–polished. Most of all, I also get to avoid any prospective regrets should I want to take back whatever I might have initially wanted to say. Thoughts and feelings undergo processes, and they change over time–in this case, days, at least. I don’t usually harbor my initial reaction to most of life’s circumstances.
As I contemplate the seriousness of my LL.M. (Master of Laws) application, I am beginning to have early anxiety attacks. It is possible, after all, to be anxious and excited at the same time.
There have been lingering thoughts that bogged me down the entire week, mostly involving myself having to reassess my motivations and weighing them against the fear of uprooting myself from the Philippines and the uncertainty that comes with it. Does this endeavor really fit my desire to be of service, to find my place in the world, to be happy and find fulfillment? This really just started as a post-bar exam fantasy that I set into motion a few years ago, with no serious expectation that I’d actually get to do it. And yet, here I am today. I have yet to completely wrap my head around the idea of leaving.
Part of my anxiety is due to the fact that, a few days ago, I received a rejection letter from one of the French law schools I had really looked forward to attending. It is that law school that I often had in mind when I dreamed of being in France. Thus, the rejection disrupted my fantasy. It took me a day or two to get over it. I realized quickly enough that I have been through too many failures that have landed me exactly where I am right now, so I shouldn’t be too impaired by rejections. Experience has taught me that rejections and failures have always brought me to life situations that I wouldn’t anymore imagine not having gone through at this point. So, yes, this bound to lead me somewhere great.
This week’s personal highlight is my receipt last Friday morning of my third admission letter from a university in France–this time from the Université Paris II – Panthéon-Assas. Assas is touted as the top law school in the country and I couldn’t be more excited to have been considered worthy of unconditional admission.
But first, a quick rundown of this week. Monday was midterm election day in the Philippines. I voted in my maternal hometown of Sta. Maria, Bulacan. I voted for opposition and independent candidates for the Senate, for Kabataan Party-List for the House of Representatives, abstained from voting for a district representative, and undervoted for candidates in the local government, largely because I didn’t know most of them. Tuesday, a lot of people (at least in my social circle and my family) went back to school and work disheartened and concerned with the results of the elections, early counts then showing (and as they still do) that the opposition was routed and President Duterte is set to gain supermajorities in the Senate and the House of Representatives.