It is by fortunate circumstance that I was allowed to leave the Philippines despite the many restrictions in international travel during these times. I have an existing resident visa for France that allowed me to pass through immigration authorities in Manila just a day before the Philippine government reimposed a ban on ‘non-essential’ foreign travel for Filipinos (not that my departure was non-essential). I was also able to enter France with minimal restrictions. I was surprised immigration at Charles de Gaulle airport did not even ask for any other documentation aside from my passport. I was merely asked if, after all the time I spent in France, I had already learned how to speak French. An odd question at the airport, but oui, I said, un peu, suffisant.
Let’s do this from the beginning. On the night of July 22, 2020, there were only three flights out of Manila airport’s Terminal 3–one for Amsterdam, one of Dubai and one for Doha. I was booked on the flight to Doha that would connect me to a flight to Paris. Given all the restrictions in international travel, I had expected the flight to be sparsely booked. I was wrong. The flight from Manila to Doha was packed to the last economy seat. The flight was full of overseas Filipino workers and seamen proceeding or returning to their work abroad.
The level of pre-departure anxiety I am feeling at the moment surpasses the anxiety I felt when I was first about to leave for Paris for my first year of graduate studies. Surely, the second time shouldn’t come off as uneasy as the first? But, hell, now it does. Maybe because I now know how lonely and difficult it can get, I now know how cold, literally and figuratively, it could be. Most importantly, I am leaving at a time of great uncertainty for everyone with regard to the situation of the pandemic, especially for loved ones who I will be leaving in the Philippines, compounded with the political situation that many friends and colleagues will be facing. Everyone will staying home to weather the storm, why am I leaving?
I had written a draft of this blog entry as it is, but felt it appropriate to just say, before anything else, that I am acutely aware of the tremendous privilege I have and by no means do I mean anything I say as a “flex” to anyone suffering during this pandemic. It’s been an odd thing to navigate, how to express one’s self at a time when anything some people can say or do can be considered as an insensitive display of privilege. Sometimes I just self-censor myself and not say or post anything at all, because the mere fact that many of us are online to discuss this, after all, is a privilege by itself. Where do we draw the line? Maybe I’ll write another blog entry on that some other time.
Anyway, much of the past two weeks, as with the fifteen weeks prior, was spent staying at home with my family, sometimes running errands for and with them, and arranging for my prospective departure for Paris in a few weeks’ time. I’m taking advantage of the time at home and have not gone out despite the relative freedom of the modified community quarantine, not just because it is the responsible and safe thing to do nowadays, but also because once I depart, it might be a while before I am able to return–not only because under normal circumstances it would be costly to fly back, but the pandemic has put in place so many complications as regards flying in and out of certain jurisdictions. I am just fortunate to have an existing resident student visa that I can return to Europe at this time despite its external borders being closed to citizens from most countries including the Philippines.
I had looked forward to the start of July to restart writing on this blog–the beginning of the second half of the year seemed like a convenient and appropriate marker to start, I guess, any habit that one wishes to keep for the rest of the year or even longer, sort of like New Year’s resolution at midyear.
I’ll go ahead by stating the obvious–for everyone else I am quite certain–the first half of the year has been defined by the coronavirus pandemic and our collective response and experiences around it. Besides that, I am sure so many other things have happened in our respective communities, societies, and our personal lives. As to my own, I don’t know where to start. It isn’t even just the first half of the year that I’m making up for lost recollection–it’s the entire year since my last blog entry in June of 2019. This includes the entire time I was in Paris as a graduate student, the defining experience of the last twelve months.
Perhaps that’s where I should start with this brief recap. A few weeks ago I had just officially completed my Master of Laws (LL.M.) degree in European law at the Université Paris II – Panthéon Assas. (The last three months of which I spent at home in Manila, through online classes with our professors. I chose to fly home for refuge last March after everything went coronavirus haywire in Europe and Asia). My year in Paris was a remarkable experience I sincerely wish I had kept in better posterity in an online journal, with photos and well-written prose, rather than through bits and pieces of tweets and Instagram posts and private snapshots on my phone. More than the masters program, it is the experiences with new friends in Europe, and the many travails of trying to adapt in a seemingly impenetrable society in Paris, that truly made a lasting impression on me. I will try to write more about these experiences through bits and pieces of recollection in future blog entries perhaps.
Note: This is an antedated post (actual date of photos)
It has been more than two weeks since I arrived back in the Philippines from Paris–thus completing my ‘self-quarantine’ period with no symptoms whatsoever. This afternoon I had to run an important errand outside the house. I took it as an opportunity to take one walk around the Academic Oval of the deserted University of the Philippines Diliman campus at sunset.
[07 Oct 19] Normal class day. Things are becoming more routine. I don’t like to lose that feeling of awe every time I walk the streets of this city. I hope the magical feeling of waking to a dream come true stays longer. When I walk the streets of the city I still can’t believe I’m here.
[08 Oct 19] I wish my eyes were a camera, so I could easily take snapshots of everything (and everyone) that I see–without the discomfort of having to raise my phone or camera in front of people. I wish I could store everything I see in a photo or in a video, and keep all these memories forever.
This experience still feels like a dream come true. The things I see now had only been matters of my imagination, as I’ve seen them in countless films, photos, videos. Now I’m right in it.
[09 Oct 19] First exam of the LL.M. program done! Took a snapshot of my desk before starting. We were allowed to refer to our ‘codal’–European Union treaties. Some of my classmates probably had an easier time since half of them are EU citizens. Night out with some of them after the exam!
[10 Oct 19] Our French language professor forbids any English word in class as a policy and discusses everything in French. I feel like drowning, really, like being thrown in the ocean, me gasping for air (words) and catching my breath, with no choice but to (learn to) swim. And swim I will! French class was my only class for the day. The rest of the day stayed at the apartment.
[11 Oct 19] I met up with my frat brod Yael to hang out and explore some parts of the city. I will write another entry on this day!
[12 Oct 19] It was a slow weekend. Stayed most of the time at the apartment, heading out to La Défense for a while. In this photo I took, a young boy looks out to the Grande Arche de La Défense as the metro approaches France’s main financial district. The Grande Arche stands directly opposite the Arc de Triomphe. A giant graffiti that proclaims “We support Hong Kong!” greets commuters at the tunnel.
[13 Oct 19] Almost half of the Sunday parishioners of this Catholic chuch in central Paris are Filipinos. After mass, many would swarm around ambulant vendors selling Filipino food items from chicharon to turon, sometimes even some ulam. This Sunday we went to the Filipino store to have lunch. After lunch I walked across the Seine to the gym.
