July 20-26, 2020. The first half of last week was spent contemplating on and preparing last minute necessities for my impending departure from Manila. I made last minute trips to the mall, saw some friends, and finally got myself to pack the relatively few things I would be taking with me–considering that I would be staying abroad for a year. They all fit in just one suitcase and a duffel bag, actually. I flew out of Manila on July 22 and arrived in Paris the day after, spending a brief layover in Doha, Qatar. I wrote a separate blog entry narrating the experience of the entire transit.
The level of pre-departure anxiety I am feeling at the moment surpasses the anxiety I felt when I was first about to leave for Paris for my first year of graduate studies. Surely, the second time shouldn’t come off as uneasy as the first? But, hell, now it does. Maybe because I now know how lonely and difficult it can get, I now know how cold, literally and figuratively, it could be. Most importantly, I am leaving at a time of great uncertainty for everyone with regard to the situation of the pandemic, especially for loved ones who I will be leaving in the Philippines, compounded with the political situation that many friends and colleagues will be facing. Everyone will staying home to weather the storm, why am I leaving?
I had written a draft of this blog entry as it is, but felt it appropriate to just say, before anything else, that I am acutely aware of the tremendous privilege I have and by no means do I mean anything I say as a “flex” to anyone suffering during this pandemic. It’s been an odd thing to navigate, how to express one’s self at a time when anything some people can say or do can be considered as an insensitive display of privilege. Sometimes I just self-censor myself and not say or post anything at all, because the mere fact that many of us are online to discuss this, after all, is a privilege by itself. Where do we draw the line? Maybe I’ll write another blog entry on that some other time.
Anyway, much of the past two weeks, as with the fifteen weeks prior, was spent staying at home with my family, sometimes running errands for and with them, and arranging for my prospective departure for Paris in a few weeks’ time. I’m taking advantage of the time at home and have not gone out despite the relative freedom of the modified community quarantine, not just because it is the responsible and safe thing to do nowadays, but also because once I depart, it might be a while before I am able to return–not only because under normal circumstances it would be costly to fly back, but the pandemic has put in place so many complications as regards flying in and out of certain jurisdictions. I am just fortunate to have an existing resident student visa that I can return to Europe at this time despite its external borders being closed to citizens from most countries including the Philippines.
September 16 – 22, 2019. The second week of LLM classes was spent familiarizing myself further with Panthéon and its surroundings, as this is where the school library is located, hanging out with my classmates, going out with them to my first live concert in the city, and enjoying the last days of summer in this part of the world. I recall these events through the series of tweets I had posted.
[16 Sep 19] It was an unusually warm day, just when we all thought summer was about to end. The thing is, air-conditioning is rare in this part of the world. The bank was non-AC, the trains and buses were non-AC, our classroom was non-AC. Torture during hot summer days.
[17 Sep 19] Library orientation at Cujas Library in Sorbonne. Spent the rest of the afternoon in group study with some classmates, which was an excuse to while away time until happy hour really.
[18 Sep 19] I had a two-hour break in between classes so I decided to go to La Défense, the main financial district of Paris during lunch break, to run essential errands as I begin my life here–open a bank account and sign up for the gym! Here at the steps of La Grande Arche (a gigantic modern building that mimics the Arc de Triomphe) hundreds of office workers take their lunch.
[19 Sep 19] First time to catch the Metro on peak rush hour on one of its busiest and older routes. No lines, just walk and push yourself through as politely as you can. We were elbow to elbow I couldn’t even wipe the sweat off my face–the train was non-AC.
[20 Sep 19] Spent the first of many library days studying at the Cujas library, with two of my German classmates. Had take out lunch at the main Panthéon plaza where most of Sorbonne hang out for lunch break.
[21 Sep 19] My LLM classmates and I went to see Amber Run. It’s my first live concert in Paris! We went out for drinks afterwards.
[22 Sep 19] Last Sunday the Catholic church near the Arc de Triomphe that holds English-language mass held a food festival of the countries represented by its parishioners. The Filipinos had the largest table. It was comforting to have tasted palabok again.
A slight problem in setting a weekly schedule of publishing blog entries is that life’s stories and continuing narratives don’t begin and end on Sundays when I usually conclude and wrap up my posts. Many events are bound to happen and overlap multiple weeks. Thus, there is the slight discomfort in writing about something that hasn’t ripened into a complete narrative, just because it is a Sunday.
This week, for example, started off like how most of my usual work weeks do, but near the end of it, I embarked on a trip to Bali, Indonesia with my law school buddies, and as of writing–we are still here and the trip is still on-going. There is, then, a reluctance to include this part of the week in this narrative.
One of the advantages of setting a target of just one blog entry a week is that I am able to allow myself the time to process my thoughts for at least a handful of days before publishing them. A week’s contemplation over certain feelings over daily events makes for better-worded recollections. This is not to say that there is no value in honest spontaneity, but those are better suited for Twitter or Facebook (if those thoughts get published at all). I wouldn’t say that more ruminated expressions are less genuine, but rather they are more circumspect and, well, a little more–polished. Most of all, I also get to avoid any prospective regrets should I want to take back whatever I might have initially wanted to say. Thoughts and feelings undergo processes, and they change over time–in this case, days, at least. I don’t usually harbor my initial reaction to most of life’s circumstances.